Exploring Life (with God)

A struggler tired of living life by "expectations." Questioning, wondering, exploring how God is recreating my life to be more genuine.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Life Half-Lived --

Hitting 50 years of age does funny stuff to a person. It caused me to reflect on who I am and I began to discover that at the midpoint of my life that I was only half-living. One of the big realizations is that I have lived a lot of my life, too much of my life, by the expectations of others.

I realized this while I was on a whitewater rafting trip last summer. I had a thrilling time and I wondered why I didn't do stuff like this anymore. I used to do stuff like this up into my twenties -- but then I finished graduate school, started my career as a clergy person and somewhere, I started to "pick up tapes" of what I should be like, how I should act. Well I guess I don't want to play those tapes anymore. I want to live life fully and authentically, rather than by expectations of others, or expectations I have placed upon myself in my trying to "fit in" with others.

I realize that my life has been half-lived in living within such expectations -- others or my own, and its time to live fully into the life that God has created and called me into. So here at 50 I am embarking on a journey to discover what life for me is to be all about.


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